If only you knew
by Toltoman
Summary: Basically, the story deals with what would have happened if Merlin had fallen in love with Morgana from first sight. The story attempts to be as "in character" as possible, so, although the rating is M, don't expect anything, but anything could happen. I'm always looking for new ideas, so reviews will be welcome. This is a multi-chapter story, not a one-timer (Darn, hate those)


**Disclaimer: Let me get this straight, I don't own Merlin, Ok?  
Please review the story if you liked it, suggest how I can improve, suggest ideas for future chapters. **

***About the Story***

**As in the description, as story is about what would happen if Merlin fell in love with Morgana when he saw her at the feast in Episode 1, Season 1. In this chapter, the story closely follows the real TV show, but I will be changing that in the future chapters. This is a *warm up*chapter of sorts.**

x-x-x

He remembered the first time he had seen her.

Merlin had been asked to deliver a few concoctions around, but there was only one he remembered. He didn't know how it had happened, but when, on that fateful day, he had walked into Lady Morgana's chambers to deliver the potion, she had been changing behind a screen. True- he hadn't seen much, or thought much of it soon after the incident (save for a feeling of searing embarrassment), but was something different now? When she had called for Gwen the first time, he had just managed to lift a dress off of a chair just enough to cover himself, and fake a girly "Here.", which had been just enough to convince Morgana of Gwen's presence. At the time, he knew he should run, but, for some reason, he just stood still and gazed towards Morgana. He should have been making his way out, but he just stood and started like an old goat. Time seemed to stretch and slow down.

"Help me tie this."

Merlin panicked. He didn't know what he should do. If he ran now, it would be obvious someone had been spying on her, but what if he helped her tie "that?" He didn't know who this lady was, and he would probably only get a bad kicking at worst. Besides, he was less likely to get caught this way. It all seemed to make sense now. He took a step forwards.

"I'm here," said a voice behind him. Panic welled up inside Merlin. Surely, he was going to get a beating now. He spun around, and, as he did so, he immediately recognized the voice, and saw the person standing in front of him. It was Gwen. Maybe he wouldn't be getting a beating after all.

Gwen looked shocked. Surely, Merlin wasn't the type of person to go peeping around Lady's bedrooms? When she had first met him, it was certainly not the first impression he had made on her, but then, who knows? In any case, she was happy to cover up for him. The way he had humiliated Arthur a while ago had been something of a spectacle, something the pampered prince had needed for a while. Maybe that would teach him a lesson? No, not likely, but it had still been worth watching, and she was glad he had done it. Merlin was making strange gestures now, and, even as he made his way out of the door, she couldn't help but to notice the reddening of his cheeks. Gwen could almost feel the embarrassment pouring out of him.

At that point, Merlin wasn't sure what had gotten into him. Even as he prepared for the feast that the king had organized in honour of defeating magic, he couldn't help but wonder how he had lost control so easily. By gods, he didn't even know her! As he prepared for the feast, she had already begun to slip out of his mind. Gaius had asked him to participate, and he couldn't help but to accept the offer. Maybe it was the fact that it wasn't so much an offer as an order, and, as his assistant, he was obliged to do Gaius's bidding. At least this time. Besides, he trusted Gaius. He was the only person that was aware of his talents. The only person Merlin could trust. His memory flashed with the man that had been executed earlier that day because of his magic. No, smiled Merlin, even if it had not been an order, he would still have come. He would have done this, because Gaius had promised to keep his magic secret. He was his only friend.

x-x-x

The feast was a grand affair. The hall itself was bigger than anything Merlin had seen before. Much bigger. Sure, perhaps it may have not been grand compared to others out there, but to Merlin, it certainly seemed that it was. Suddenly, he was distracted from his admiration of the hall by something else. In all his life, Merlin had never seen such a variety and quantity of food. Anything that Merlin could name was there. He had lived a simple, humble life back in his home village of Ealdor, where the best meal to be found was the pig they slaughtered in winter. It had been delicious. He remembered his mother, his friends, and, before he knew it, he wished to be back home. It was simply unfair that he couldn't have stayed there, with those he loved and cherished. It made him think that life was simply a cruel joke, being played over and over again. A tear had begun to form on his eye.

Then he saw her. The mere sight of her was enough to bring him out of his melancholy mood. Surely, it must be her. The very same woman he had seen behind the screen in that Lady's room. She was beautiful. He had never seen anyone quite like her. He felt his heart pounding faster, faster.

"We're here to work, remember?"

Gaius's words seemed to bring Merlin out of his trance, but he still couldn't spare more than a glance for Gaius. He _needed _to look at her. He saw Arthur go up to her. It pained him to see her with him, but what was he to do? He was a mere servant, and Arthur was the son of the king.

"Quite beautiful, isn't she?" It was Gwen's voice.

"Yeah…"

"Some are people are born to become the queen," Continued Gwen.

"What?" Merlin was surprised. He didn't know why, but he felt his heart break at the words. Had he really been so foolish as to fall in love with someone who he didn't even know?

"Yes, well, I hope so."

Merlin stared back at Morgana. He hoped not. Although he knew what he felt was futile, dangerous, even, but he couldn't help it.

"But then, I wouldn't want to be in her place. I mean, who would want to end up with Arthur…" Her words were like music to his ears, and a smile sprung up immediately on his face. Perhaps there was a chance then, a remote one, maybe, but a chance, nevertheless. Merlin kept on talking, but his mind was somewhere else, as were his eyes. Most of the time, at least.

x-x-x

Later that evening, Merlin lay soundly on his bed. Yes, something had changed since he had first saw her behind the screen. He didn't feel any embarrassment now. No, now it was replaced by something warm, something pleasant. Replaying the events over and over again in his mind, Merlin felt more and more in love with Lady Morgana…

It was senseless, he knew, but what could he do? She was probably the daughter of some nobleman, far beyond his reach. Besides, the Dragon, and Gaius, had told him about his "destiny". No, Merlin decided. He couldn't be in love with Lady Morgana. It was simply lust. Yes, that's it, lust, Merlin decided. A simple crush. It would take a while to blow over-no, he would wake up feeling better.

But could it really all be just that…a crush? Merlin decided that he would not torment himself about it tonight. In any case, it wouldn't bring him any good, either way. Instead, he thought about his destiny, the witch, and the fact he was now Arthurs' footman. As much as he tried to concentrate on these apparently more pressing issues, there was always something nagging him, something in the corner of his mind. Despite his best efforts to ignore it, or keep his mind racing on, hoping that somehow the questions would simply be left behind, not being able to keep up, it was still there. This was going to be a long night.


End file.
